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 Butler for free? Only in Danny Starr's mansion! [In the 1600's, African Americans were gathered from their home country, and brought here as slaves. Slaves were used to do the dirty work for low or no pay. Weren't treated as human beings, just like they were animals, nothing more, nothing less. Now that the era of slavery is over, most people have to do most of their own work, but some, hire people to do it for them. They are hired at free will for quite a decent pay, these people are called butlers. My house is falling apart, and with my career there is no way I can possibly keep up with maintaining it's quality. Not now, especially with my problems with The Circle and Nikki Silver. I need to get a butler, but not an official one. I want a person who doesn't know they are supposed to get paid for doing my work. But who? My quest for a butler begins.] (The scene fades in from black to a brown, shiny table that is clattered with multiples of the same paper. Hands are reaching in organizing the papers into piles of which the paper looks like a flyer of some kind. The text reads "HELP WANTED! Danny Starr's mansion needs a butler." Then the address and phone number. The light from a nearby window gives the entire room a glow of orange, which is helping them see what they are doing. It's cold outside, probably in the mid fifties, or maybe less, however, it's not the same temperature in the kitchen though, the room they are in. The heat is working, unlike before. The temperature drops in an instant in Hartford, which explains why it was excruciatingly hot the day before. Despite the whether, Michael Diamond and Danny Starr were determined to find a butler, and they were going to do it today! After piling the rest of the flyers, they each split them up evenly.) Danny: Are you sure about doing this? (Danny Starr picks up his pile, and begins to walk towards the exit of the kitchen.) Michael: Danny, this is the best idea, and probably will be the best idea for your career. A lot of stress will be weighed off your back when you get one. (Michael starts walking with Danny Starr through the house heading towards the mansion's front door.) Danny: We better not get some nut knocking on my door, Michael. There are unsensational people in Hartford, you know. Michael: Danny, don't worry. We'll put these flyers on every street corner, and when they come knocking on your door, we'll just give them a little interview. (Danny sighs) Danny: Alright. (Danny Starr twists the doorknob on his Mansion's double doors, and the doors spread apart from the door frame. Danny let's Michael go out first with his pile, then walks out behind him with his. Danny places the pile on a porch couch so he could go and lock the door with the keys in his hand. Just as Danny places the key inside the lock bolt, the underestimated wind picks up a few of the papers and practically carries them high in the air and out of Danny Starr's large yard. Danny flies from the door to save the rest of the papers from flying after shouting out "Shit!". All but three were saved, while those were now out of sight. Danny Starr finishes locking the door before another stroke of wind came again, and picked up the pile. Michael was still holding his pile by the passenger side of Danny Starr's Plymouth Prowler, which is obviously locked.) Michael: Yeah, it's kind of cold, Danny. (Danny Starr is carrying the pile closer to the car.) Danny: Well, I'm sorry. You can't trust these people… I live near an asylum, it's right down the street! Michael: The same one you went to? (Sarcastically) Danny: Yes… Michael: (Stunned) Oh… (After unlocking the car doors, they both make their way into the seats, and the doors shut. Danny sticks his key into the ignition and twists to start the sound of the engine. The scene fades to black as they pull out of Danny Starr's drive way.)
(The scene fades in from black to a large room, a gray palette room which just seems eerie. It's not light, it's just artificial. Electricity is keeping the room from complete darkness. There are a few men behind a purple desk, and behind the walls we can hear moaning and screaming vaguely. It's scary to imagine being there, but the men wearing white don't seem scared at all. A short man walks in through a door with a glass square at head height. The man looks to be like an ex-con or gang member, but his appearance is completely different for what he is in there for. As the man approaches the desk, a worker behind it hands him a paper.) Worker: You're free to go… Man: What?? Worker: Your time here is over, you are free. Just don't screw up again. (The man reads over the paper, and begins to smile. Without anymore words, the man turns around and walks out of the door, and begins his way down the hall. It looks almost like a jail, except the rooms are padded with white pillows. As the man walks down the hall with a gigantic smile on his face, almost like a cocky, arrogant smile. As the other patients are looking at him through a small hole in their locked doors, the man seems to be gloating as he walks down the hall.) Man: That's right fella's! You wanna know where I'm going? I'm free! Unlike you crazy ass bastards! That's right, you're all gonna dry up old and disgusting while I'm livin' it up on the high roller, dawgs! I'm gonna make a good living! I'm gonna be rich! Something you shits will never be! See yaw later, psychos! (As the people in the rooms branching from the hallways curse him off, the man shows his paper to the security guard at the end of the hall. After reading it over, they step back, and the man walks out the double steel doors.) Man: Haha! That's what I'm talking about! Fresh air! I'm outta this bitch! (As the man continues down the large steps, he suddenly realizes his only problems.) Man: Wait a minute… where will I go? I don't have any money, nothing! Not even to buy a drink! I need to find a jo… (Before he can finish the word, the window blows a paper into his face. This paper is the same paper which Danny Starr printed a flyer on previously. The man peals it off of his face, and reads it closely. The look on his face shows a light bulb lighting up, and before another second goes by, he speeds down the steps as the scene fades to black.)
(The scene fades in from black to Danny Starr's purple Plymouth prowler pulling into his drive way. After parking at the top, the engine shuts off and both driver and passenger doors swing open. Danny Starr and Michael Diamond get out from both sides with nothing in their hands.) Michael: Whelp, that covers all of Hartford! When will people start coming? Danny: Anytime now… (Danny's head happens to look towards his door way, where a line of 50 are gathered, all holding flyers; the same flyers they had just passed out. Danny shuts his door as Michael stares in awe.) Danny: Let's get to work! (The scene cuts to inside Danny Starr's mansion, in the hall, where the light makes the room very detailed. Danny Starr and Michael Diamond are both sitting on the same black leather couch looking ahead. Danny Starr has his glasses on, and is reading from a clipboard, while Michael is leaning his head on his hand which is barely staying up. Danny looks up from the clipboard.) Danny: Uhm… so what is your name? (Danny was directing it towards a man sitting across from both of them. He is wearing a long trench coat, with rugged facial features, unshaven, uncut hair, unibrow. He has blue jeans on, and black boots hiding under.) Man: My name? Why do you want my name? Who are you?! (Danny looks at Michael with wide eyes, then looks back at this paranoid fool.) Danny: I am Danny Starr, as the flyer said. Man: What? Who is Danny Starr? What flyer? You mean like a UFO flyer? You're not with them are you?! Who? Danny Starr? What flyer?… Danny: You said that already! You are obviously stupid, sir. You are not qualified for this position, please exit now. I'm sure there are other non-paying jobs out there, ta-ta. Man: Green eggs! Danny: Sensational… NEXT! (The obviously insane man wanders out of the mansion, and the next man walks in. This man is looking mighty sophisticated wearing a cashmere dress suite, and a black tie. Also carrying a suitcase. As the man approaches Danny Starr's visitor chair, Danny leans into Michael, who is almost asleep and whispers something.) Danny: This guy looks sensational! (The man takes a seat, and smiles at Danny
Starr as they look at each other.) Sophisticated man: I uko sivin jagula! (Danny stares at him, confused as ever.) Danny: I'm sorry, but I don't seem to be familiar with your language. Sophisticated man: Yu hapren siapiese jonkogle refigutre sengula shank (A short pause) Danny: Oh, Okay. Michael, what language is he speaking? Michael: I don't think he's speaking any language. I think it's gibberish. Danny: Listen, I need a butler for my house! Do you understand?? Sophisticated man: juco (Danny is pleased by the one word answer, when suddenly the man gets up off the chair, and walks out of the mansion, and disappears.) Danny: Uhm? Where are you going? What did I say? Michael: I don't know! He just kind of got up and left. Danny: Not sensational at all! Next! (This time a man dressed up in a tuxedo walks in with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. He takes a seat, and reclines his left leg over his right leg, crossing them over.) Danny: What's your name? Sharp man: Henry Grimes the third. Danny: Grimes? Any relation to Jakob Grimes? (Henry stares at Danny for a minute or two, and doesn't say anything.) Danny: Any relation to Jakob Grimes? None? Yes? Anything? Are you part of the same family as Jakob Grimes? Are you? (Henry continues to stare.) Danny: Do you have the same bloodline as Jakob Grimes?! Are you in the same family with him? (Henry still hasn't replied, and Danny is leaned over staring right in his face. The room goes quiet for a second then Henry answers in a deep British accent.) Henry: No, I… (Danny leans forward with his mouth open waiting for the rest of his sentence, but he stops there and starts to smoke on his cigar again. Danny leans back against the couch.) Danny: Alrighty, moving on. Have you ever been a butler before? (Henry Grimes continues to stare while he puffs on his cigar.) Danny: Ever work for someone in the same house? Did their chores, you know, a butler. That's what they do… they clean your house, cause that's their job, it's a profession, they are butlers. (Henry squints his eyes as if he is thinking, then pulls the cigar away from his mouth, and looks back at Danny.) Henry: No, see… (As Danny Starr leans in searching for more words, he finds nothing because Henry stopped there once again.) Danny: And there you have it… well. If you decided to work for me, you would have your own room, and if you wanted to, you could be my manager, beings I am a professional wrestler. Would you like to be my butler? (Henry puffs away at his cigar.) Danny: My butler, that does all my work in the house, does arons. Yah know, while I'm not here, and you live here and you would be my butler? Is that a good idea? Yeah? No? It's your call! You wait on me, that's what a butler does. Is that a good deal? Is it? A good deal? (The same squint looking up in the air, then back to Danny as he slowly takes the cigar out of his mouth.) Henry: Well, I… (Once again, Henry stops talking and puts the cigar back in his mouth.) Michael: What is this… a Benny Hill skit? Danny: This is going to be a long day… NEXT! (The scene fades out to black, but the red text fades in.)
(The scene fades back in from black to see Danny Starr drooping down on the chair almost falling asleep, and Michael doing the same except he is asleep.) Danny: Explain your case again… (A man dressed in a clown suit is having trouble sitting still, jumpy while sitting on the black chair. As he talks a mile a minute his body keeps trying to get up from a sitting stance, but bounces back down again.) Clown: My name is Frank Zerlen, I am a part time circus and kid's party clown named Conkers the Illiterate clown. I am a good cook, I cooked an entire lunch for the Hartford School cafeteria one time. I'm great with children, and I can really take orders! (Danny stays silent.) Danny: Why are you wearing a clown suit and makeup now though? Conkers: Well, I just got back from the morgue… (Danny is at the point where he isn't going to ask about that, So he just changes the subject.) Danny: Have you ever been a butler before? Conkers: Well, HEHEHHEEHE… one time I… (Danny was startled by that outburst.) Danny: Wait! What was that? (Conkers is trying to avoid what he is talking about.) Conkers: What was what? Danny: That's childish outburst of laughter! (Conkers sighs.) Conkers: To tell you the truth… I had no other choice but to be a clown… I have tiret syndrome, and my manager said that the only way I could hide it was it I became a clown, which always outbursts with laughter at any given time… HEHEHEHE! Danny: So you're Conkers the illiterate turret syndrome clown? Conkers: I guess you could say that… Danny: Dear god… NEXT! (Conkers knows he has been rejected, and on his way out he continues to curse directly at Danny Starr but he doesn't really care since half of the people have been doing it to him. After a minute or so goes by, and no one comes through the doors. Danny begins to wonder what is going on. The door is shut, and there seems to be no more applicants for the job.) Danny: Oh great, there are no more… and I still don't have a butler, Michael! Michael: These guys… are insane. At least we're done! Danny: Tusuae. (Just then, there is a knock upon the door. It sends chills up both Michael and Danny's spines. Danny Starr wonders if he should open it or not, but after the second round of knocks, he decides to open the door. The same man that was just released from the asylum earlier was standing there with a brand new outfit on. This time he is wearing a phat farm t-shirt that is oversized, and also an XXL pant width for his baggy jeans. The man is holding a flyer as he grins at Danny Starr. Michael, in the background is staring in disbelief, and his mouth is almost hitting the floor as he arches his back leaning to see the man at the door. Danny Starr is doing the same, when suddenly from silence…) Danny: MARK?!?! Mark: Hey dawg! Man, what is up!? Danny:… Mark: Yeah man, what's going on Miguel!? Michael:… Mark: Word up, honkys! Yo! We be like… kickin' it like the ol' times, homes. (Michael and Danny are frozen in shock.) Danny: What in the living hell are you doing here, Mark!? You were in the asylum! You drank too much and streaked the neighborhood! Then when the cops restrained you, you started unzipping their pants! Mark: Look… that's in the past. I've changed! And there let me go today because of it, man. Look, I'm here to take that job, is it taken? Danny: Regrettably no… Mark: Fuckin yeah! I'm gonna be the best butler there ever be, brotha'! (Mark walks around like he is welcome, and walks right into the kitchen and flicks a light on as Danny and Michael still stand motionless in the hall.) Michael: I really liked that Henry guy… Danny: Well… they did call him sane. Plus, how bad could it be? (A startling loud crash is heard from the kitchen and then a voice is heard faintly.) Mark: It was already broken! I just helped it out! Hey Danny? Where's the 40's?? Michael: Oh yeah… this can't miss. Danny: "The Delynkwental" Mark Crow as Danny Starr's butler? Now THAT'S Sensational! (The scene fades out to black as Mark Crow
destroys the first kitchen of many kitchens to come.) 
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