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Fixxxer
Wealth can never equal happiness. No matter what light you look at this tragic comedy in, life can only be fueled by love, compassion, and friendship. Gain can be an important edition to the cause of happiness, however it's quality is faded eventually. Constant happiness cannot be driven by an object or possession; it will get old. We must depend on the ones we love: Our pets; our friends; our family. When those of the ones we care for turn their back on thou, a piece of your heart is mutated into a black, bitter spot, which grows throughout time if not dealt with. Enough bitterness can be added up and finally snap you're mind in half causing violent aggression, a change of attitude, or nonchalant feelings. Other questions these characteristics, claming they are despicable; saying they are in bad taste and make you a bad person. Our past cannot be shunned… and neither can our mind. Dolls
of voodoo all stuck with pins Childhood is commonly a memory that is priceless… the mere knowledge of being a child is something to make your horrible life worth living. Most over-look their childhood until they are an adult, and regret their bitterness wishing they were older. Childhood is reflected on those who are bases of this childhood such as our peers… our parents. My parents, for example, were never truly there for me. They labeled me, young, more so my father than mother. Nothing could be done to prevent this, or avoid their treatment. I fantasized in my head though… I plotted his demise as a child. My inner demons haunt me, and all I can do is think to the aggression I once planted into his soul. So
you lay us in a line The violent torment and abuse my father put us through… it was disgusting. No one dared defy him, not anyone outside of the family. Only a few times did someone try to end his reign of control and physical and mental effect on Cassandra, my mother, and myself. He practically controlled our every movement, every word, and every action as if we were puppets. When he wasn't beating me, I can remember lying in my bed thinking of his death… his end. The thought of his death made me feel comfortable; made me feel calm. However, reality shunned my dreams and desperate fantasies. Only
you can tell in time As I said, he controlled us. He knew where we were at all times; he knew our fears and what we were afraid of. He used our fear to his advantage as children; making us fears him as well. In our minds, he was the boogieman. The boogieman that was quite blatant with his actions; the boogieman who ruled over his kingdom with an iron fist… however, his kingdom was not divine, even though he thought it was in his own mind. He knew us like a book; and that's what scared us the most. Our weaknesses were well known, and he was aware of what hurt us the most. But
tell me can you heal what father's done Can
you heal the broken worlds within? It was so dark in that cell… the thought brings back memories and flashbacks of complete and utter depression. The cause of bipolar disorder, and you label me ruthless? How dare thou label me for my inner demons? The scene still remains in my mind… the terror lives on within my soul. My mother's mansion contains my father's possessions, which remind me of him. No matter what I do, my inner demons will live on forever until I die. If only I could start over… and start a new life in a new world, I might have hope. Or
cut this rope and let us run I just wish this burden that is attached to my soul and mind can be cut. This burden that is wrapped around my every thought; my every action… my inner demon haunts my life day in, and day out. There is no escape from this white whale. Not even my destiny can trigger the end of his reign, even though he's dead. Perhaps his reign of terror died along with his body… but it is well alive within my head. No matter what I do… no matter how hard I try to escape this… I finally think it's gone. I finally am convinced the demon has disappeared… it comes back to wreak havok on my life. Mirror,
mirror upon the wall For years, I used my wealth to shield my weakness with arrogance. I used conceitedness to hide the true identity in which I withhold. It's un-escapable, however. Others see me as self-centered, and egotistical… however, it's quite the opposite. Without arrogance, I am left without confidence… without anything to live on. The demon would take over my soul, for it has already taken a large sum. I feel it was necessary to shield myself with this property, even if others get annoyed. I can always look at my face in the mirror and realize that's my only true friend, and at the same time… my only true nemesis. I thought breaking my father's reign, would make me abandon my roots of becoming him… I seem to be losing the battle. For, I too, have a violent aggression mixed with ruthlessness. See
you sharpening the pins I see the way you look at me. The same way everyone looks at Danny Starr. The eyes never lie… and yours are no different. You too, hate me as if I have hated you. My reputations as a human being is negotiable… some envy my skill; some despise my wrath. Others try to break my pride by exposing my demons; attempting to use them as an advantage when rivaling me. Attempting to violate my self-esteem with my past's horrors. They try to stick those pins in me; the same pins my father burdened me with during my childhood… and you too, are alike my father. Attempting to tear me down, weakening my stature. Attempting to ruin my destiny with memories of him. We're
just the toys in the hands of another Someone controls us all. Whether your pride allows you to admit the fact or not… you cannot deny this truth. We are all puppets, all toys being told what to do by someone. Our parents; our siblings; our rivals; our bosses; etc. Some can accept this; others cannot, and snap trying to prove a point. I have put off being controlled for too long… I'm becoming tired of constantly keeping on top avoiding being a toy like I once was. Being used as nothing more than someone's scapegoat… and instead controlling others; making them my toys rather than vice versa. I have stayed away from these people… the people who want me to suffer with my father's burden by sticking the painful pins that pierce my skin… representing the past. But
tell me can you heal what father's done My mother was quite the idiotic specimen. Did she honestly believe I wouldn't have retribution against her and her selfish mindset? Especially the second time she turned me in… quite a bitter woman, but not as bitter as her son. Our father as well as Cassandra and I abused her. Why is she being blinded by this shield of fear, and shutting out her son… when all along her husband and our father was inside my soul the entire time. Can
you heal the broken worlds within? Cassandra wasn't aware of the way I was… the person I was turning into inside, in fact, she still isn't aware. I hope to keep it like that, for if she found out I killed our father, her world would be shattered. She is weak; like Mother. She is too much alike her… as I am following the unfortunate path of our father. I've accepted that this is my life; this is my burden and the inner demon controls me… I cannot help the fact I am like him, and there is nothing anyone can do to put an end to his terror. It's in my blood… I never knew I would be affected by his ways, but I guess the inner demon is too strong for thee. Or
cut this rope and let us run Finally, this burden can be released from my neck. This rope of hatred and past pain can finally be cut from its last string. My life can be better again… and I'll do it by avenging my dear friend, Michael in his past pain. I thought a new era of retribution was in store for those who have forsaken the good from my heart. Just when I thought I was doing some good in this world, my dear Mother decided against it. Blood
for face, Sweat for dirt It's discouraging when those who put things on your shoulder constantly burden your life. Especially if they are your loved ones… it hurts the mind, the soul… and the heart. When my mother called the police on me for the deaths of the Diamond's killers, I knew she was to be corrected once and for all. The torment will always be here… I questioned whether it was worth being alive; whether I should just end this life to rid the world of this blood in which was haunted with the evil of my family name. This was my chance… this was my chance to finally end this curse and fall in love with my life again. So
tell me It was done. I had not only killed our mother… I had ended the entire burden once and for all. I burned the house of bad memories… I obliterated the mansion I had grown up in… the walls that screamed echoes of my beatings. The cracked doors that I peaked through to see my sister being beat by father. The kitchen my mother drawn to in the mornings to feed him. The antiques were gone along with the evidence of my mother's demise. I had killed both of our parents, and their burdens were destroyed… however, my father was still within my soul… and a new burden had been created. The burden of regret. It's not easy coping with the mere fact you killed the woman who gave birth to you… or the man who is responsible for making us wealthy. Just when I thought I had destroyed this constant burden… the pin of Cassandra pierces my skin. If she were to find out about my secrets; the truth of how our parents died and why… her heart would be broken. She would not be able to understand or feel the same way I felt, beings she was the loved child by my mother. I was the scapegoat. No
more pins in me I must hide the truth for all eternity… until I lay on my deathbed under the guiding moonlight in which I wished to god upon every night that my father would be rid from this house and I would awaken from this nightmare. However, this nightmare was a fatal dose of reality; that of which is hard to cope with. Along with the demise of my parents and the past… and along with the death of my sociable, sweet, kind personality and opened minded heart… it twisted into bitterness from constant sorrow and the burden lives on. The ruthlessness in which I possess was passed down to me as a curse from god. For good guys finish last… and my friends, god did not seek my destiny to be a short lived one. In fact, that's why I was granted this new era of personality and characteristics that labeled me violent. People will always label me… but my curse cannot be helped. The good guys die young; it's a known fact to the history of mankind. With this new entity to combine with my righteous arrogance and self centered attitude, it created a new breed of ruthlessness and bitterness to create the perfect beast; to create the man I am today… to create the 4th antichrist based on the guidelines of intentional aggression. For whomever wants to label me… I beg of you to proceed. I will label you as if you share no competition. Just as my dear sister, Cassandra. I have no alternative but to defeat her in the semifinals of my destiny. You dare shield my destiny with simple-minded threats of our childhood… idiotic remembrance of the constant physical abuse we received. They must be smiling in hell looking up at us fighting each other. Pathetic; the corruption of HWA is beyond obvious. However, there is no way around it. Kevin Conner and "Awesome D" Anderson cannot surpass Michael Diamond. In more sensational words: Last Man Standing 2002 belongs to the Foundation Of Sensation as always. We all sin, President Neil… we all sin. |
