"The Sensation" Danny Starr


	Forgive me, Father...
	BLACKThe man in the mirror doesn’t scare me anymore… I no longer see that monster staring back at me, only the true me locking eyes with a changed man. People were starting to see me differently now, and I would be lying if I said I expected it. When I returned after 3 years, there was no love lost, it seemed… and the only thing close to being considered a friend was Kevin Conner. Well, Kevin Conner and Eric Rayne… Just goes to show my judgment was fogged by his promising illusion. Throughout the course of my rebirth as a new Danny Starr, I noticed the aggravation building inside of Eric Rayne every time I would ’play fair’ or shake hands with my opponents rather than bring out the old me to place their framed glossy on my wall. Rayne was out for blood… not redemption. Of course we all have our reasons for the things we do. BLACKI have my reasons for changing into this new formed man, as I’m sure Eric has his reasons for being a manipulative snake. Just as Conner has his reason for waking up in the morning after the tragedy of his daughter. There must be something driving each and every one of us to continue; to pursue. Mine is redemption. I have almost tied up the loose ends remaining in my closet of skeletons… although I have made amense with Ryan after the death of Heather… BLACKI doubt God will welcome me with open arms… and quite frankly, I don’t expect a free ride to Heaven; I only have Hell to look forward to after a life full of sin. None-the-less, I must pay for what I have done… I would be less a man not to take responsibility for my actions. Some would say that it’s in the past and to let go, I, however… am a strong believer that what goes around, comes around. Therefore, I still have many sins to answer to… Jesus, please save me now. BLACKI already feel awkward. BLACKIt’s been nearly a decade since stepping foot inside of a catholic church, but for some strange reason, I remember to kneel on my knees and recite the prayer my Mother taught me as a child. The holy water on my fingertips dripped to the floor as I hesitate to touch my forehead. It’s almost blasphemy for me to be conducting this tradition… All of the sins, all of the hate in my blood… I was almost waiting for the water to burn my skin like sulfuric acid. I sit down on a bench as I hear Latin echoing against the walls… looking around, I see a statue of Jesus Christ propped up on the crucifix… blood dripping down his hands, and forehead. His head cock-sided, staring down at me… there was something very unsettling about the look on his face… There weren’t many in the church, only a few… scrambled randomly throughout the room. I couldn’t hesitate any longer… Both I, and God knew why I was there… there was no hiding from it any longer. BLACKI stood up to my feet, turning to my right to quietly walk towards the side walk-way. I looked ahead. God, it’s been so long. I thought as I crept towards the open booth… almost like a jail cell… with no where to go. I knew once I stepped in that booth, there was no turning back… I sighed deeply as the sounds of passages from Isaac rang through my head, echoing throughout the church. It was time. I walked into the booth, and the Latin demoted to a low volume as I shut the wooden door behind me. I kneeled down, aligning my head with the fenced square to my left side… it was almost immediately a wooden piece slid to the side, exposing the fenced area to the next booth where an older man sat face to face separated by only a thin intertwined fence of metal. I knew he was the Priest, but I haven’t done this… ever. Danny Starr: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Man: What? Danny Starr: I have sinned? Man: So what? Danny Starr: So what? What kind of a Priest says ‘So What?” Man: Priest? BLACKThe man starts laughing hysterically… I now can smell his bad breath through the opening. Man: That’s because I’m a janitor. You’re in the wrong booth, kid. Danny Starr: What are you talking about? Man: Not many people confess anymore, we only have one booth… its right next to this one. Shoulda kept walkin’, woulda’ stumbled right across it there. Danny Starr: How was I supposed to know that? There should be a sign. Man: Usually people figure it out when they go to kneel and land knee first into a wet mop… BLACKI look down, now noticing the wet leaking through my dress pants. Danny Starr: God Damnit! Man: Please don’t use the Lord’s name in vein. BLACKI look at the janitor with a cold stare before standing to my feet… I use my arm sleeve to wipe off anything on my knees and walk out of the booth. I follow his directions and come to the second booth right next to it. I walk in, feeling as if I have broken the ice and my nervousness has ceased as I am ready to let loose these burdens on my chest. I initiate the same routines, kneeling and such as the opening reveals. Danny Starr: This IS the Priest this time, right? BLACKThe Priest laughs. Priest: I see you’ve walked into the wrong booth. Must be a long time coming since you’ve stepped foot in the Church of God, my son. Danny Starr: It has, Father… Priest: Well it’s never too late to find the Lord. What brings you here today? Danny Starr: I have sinned… Priest: Otherwise you wouldn’t be here… now tell me, What is it you have done? BLACKI really didn’t know what I was getting myself into… I was still hesitant to just come out and say it… There was no way to pick the words to use… Danny Starr: I’ve hurt someone… some years ago, I did something that I regret to this day… Priest: I see.. Danny Starr: I ended her life, Father… Priest: For what reason did you do this…? Danny Starr: Selfishness… Anger… Priest: Without control, my son, you have no will… Danny Starr: It was all in control… I didn’t mean to end her life, I meant to hurt her… but it went wrong. Priest: Tell me, my son… Are you here for forgiveness? Or are you here for a get out of jail free card… Danny Starr: Neither… I don’t expect to be forgiven… Priest: Then why are you here? Danny Starr: It’s my only hope, Father… I know Jesus won’t forgive me… Priest: If you are truly sorry, Jesus will forgive you… but if you are just trying to get an easy ride to Heaven, you are mistaken. Danny Starr: Father… I have been tormented with this regret for 3 years… I’ve made amense with her love… Heaven is not what I desire… a second chance would be my first choice. Priest: We cannot have second chances when it comes to death, my son… If that were the case, people would be going back in time constantly… it was in Mark 10.27... “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Only God has the power. Danny Starr: They say things happen for a reason… if that’s the case, what was gained from it, Father? Priest: No one knows until the end of times… everything will connect in the end, I promise. Perhaps you were meant to end her life to be here today… Maybe it was God’s mysterious way of having you find Jesus in your heart. Danny Starr: Isn’t that quite selfish to martyr an innocent girl? Priest: God is not selfish… it’s justified. This innocent girl is in a better place now, away from the violence and sinning in our world today. Danny Starr: There’s more than just one, Father… Priest: Should I cancel my four O’ Clock sermon? Danny Starr: My Father… Priest: Yes? Danny Starr: No, my father, my dad… growing up he used to beat my Mother, sister and I. A wealthy business man, but he was very power hungry… even in our house-hold. He finally went to jail for going too far one day… and I paid a man to end his life as well… Priest: Does anyone know about these incidents, My son? Danny Starr: Yes… they have all been viewed in a court room… and I have already paid the lawful price… however, inside my heart, there is an undying guilt that beats along with it. Priest: How did your Sister and Mother take to it…? Danny Starr: My sister was eased at heart… for she was scarred by his treatment, as my mother was in fear of being happy he was gone… she took his side, even in death. To the point she even gave the police information leading to the death’s of Tom Reynolds whom I hired Dan Randolph to murder. Priest: How many people have you…. Killed, my son? Danny Starr: 6, Father. Priest: How in God’s name did you get away with it? Danny Starr: The same way all people get away with obvious murders… Money. Priest: You expect me to forgive you for all of these acts of violence? Danny Starr: No, my father… I expect you to listen… these are things I am not proud of… things that I wish I could take back. Priest: Continue. Danny Starr: My mother once had my confined to get me out of the picture… then to top it off tried to have her only son put in prison for life. I left her locked inside of a burning house.. And that’s when I left… that was my last murder… and I… BLACKI busted out crying in regret… I killed the same woman who gave birth to me… the one who breast fed me and raised me despite my Father’s ignorance… My dear Mother. Danny Starr: I never told my sister the truth… Priest: Do you plan to? Danny Starr:… BLACKI stood silent… thinking of the right words to answer his question… Danny Starr: No. Priest: Why not? Danny Starr: I love her… She doesn’t need to know something that extreme.. It would tear both of us in half. Some things are just better off never spoken. Priest: Is there anything else, my son? Danny Starr: I have premarital sex. Priest: You must get married immediately then, my son. Danny Starr: Married? Priest: If you are able to share such a bond with another, why not share it forever under the same name. Danny Starr: If I were to marry her, would God overlook the fact I conducted sexual intercourse before marriage? Priest: If I were you, I would be more worried about the 6 people you’ve murdered. Danny Starr: So what do I do now, Father? Priest: Well, if you’re truly regretful and sincere about these sins… begging Jesus for forgiveness would grant you his love no matter how extreme the case is. However, if you continue something you were already forgiven for, I can’t guarantee your salvation. Danny Starr: But I am, father… Priest: Than all you need to do now is welcome Jesus into your heart… tell him you accept his love and appreciate the fact he died for your very sins. BLACKThat can’t be right… coming from a catholic Priest, he’s quite lenient about the fact I killed 6 people. Priest: You see, my son, the end is near. Danny Starr: The end of what? Priest: The end of times. The rapture; apocalypse; revelation… No matter what you call it… it’s close. Danny Starr: Why do you say that? Priest: Israel’s people have returned to their land… it’s said soon after, the bowls of God’s wrath will pour throughout the valleys. New Orleans… the record-breaking hurricanes and super storms, the melting of our glaciers. It’s all expected near the end… Danny Starr: So I better get on God’s good side now then, eh? Priest: It’s in your best interest, my child… but please, make sure you are sincere, or it’s an apology wasted. Danny Starr: Now this ‘end of time’ you speak of, is this just interpretation? Priest: Personally, yes… I feel that the signs are pointing to the rapture… I advised them to teach more of the revelations in the Church of God… Danny Starr: Who’s ‘they’? Priest: The other Priests… they would rather recite Mark and John… people are unaware of what is upon us.. Therefore, no warning will be administered before it’s too late. Danny Starr: With all due respect… I can understand why. I most certainly do not want to hear about the ‘end of times’ I want to live my life, or what’s left of it, that is without worry of an apocalypse. Priest: If you’re not here for my wisdom… what are you here for, my son? Justification? Danny Starr: No, not justification. The closest thing to Jesus I can communicate with… Priest: Describe communication. Not all communication is a 2-sided path… when you speak to Him, he will listen. Danny Starr: Of course He listens… he enjoys my torment… Thank you for your time, Father. BLACKBefore he could respond, I was quick to escape the wooden booth… not feeling any better about myself. I thought speaking to a man of God would ease the burdening from my conscience… it only made things worse. BLACKThere was one thing that stuck in my mind… Marriage. Premarital sex seemed to be a big problem with the Catholic Church… a sin I have committed on quite a few occasions, but if this will please the greater power… I am more than ready to ask Jenn Copelin to be my wife. I’ve known her for years, and now we seem have an unbreakable bond. I couldn’t picture myself without her now… and I feel as if she can honestly say the same about me. As far as Heaven goes… I’m not expecting the gates to open… instead, I expect Anubis himself weighing my soul against a feather… the final judgment. BLACKIf the end of times is near… that gives me little to no time to redeem my spirit… my soul… my life; my entire being. I may never be under God’s grace… but Hell, it’s worth a shot.