From this Point On...

Just a week after being suspended from the HWA… I can’t help but wonder what is going on. I yearn to flip on the television, but I promised myself I would keep it unplugged. As for contact, I felt it was necessary to rid my mind, my thoughts of any interruption other than this mourning process I must commit.

It was the 5th day of my suspension… not used to just sitting around the house, it was not easy at first. Especially the very house I spent time with Jenn in… is this mourning or punishment? Having to wake up from dreams of her in my arms to this cold, bitter reality every morning… this lonely, haunting feeling I have every second of the day… being tormented by her framed pictures through-out my entire mansion…

I hold one in my hand… looking down to what once was… a picture of my beloved Jenn… a picture of happiness, unaware of her certain fate that would come in the next month… it was blasphemy against such a divine elegance that which Jenn was.

I place the frame back onto the mantle… thinking of times less painful, wondering how we would have ended up. Happy? I was so sure it was meant to be, but God thought different. He took her from me… and not teases my emotions by haunting my memories with her… the pain he has caused me after such acts of redemption… that’s blasphemy.

The tears have stopped… and the crying has turned into anger… bitterness and the feeling of betrayal by this so called God that is supposed to be fair. What did Jenn do wrong? Nothing! I should have been the one… but God plays games with us… he takes those we love so we suffer on Earth long as possible before suffering for all eternity in a promising stay in hell.

I needed time off from everything… I know Sett is being a friend and the World Title means nothing to me at this point… but I know it will when I am released from this grasp Jenn holds on me… until then, my only antidote is to isolate myself from everything… HWA, Mark Crow… and spend time with Jenn… one last time.

I reached into my pocket… and felt around for my cell phone. When I felt its plastic surface, I gripped it and pulled it out into the open, flipping the front up. I looked at it, wondering if this was the right decision… and decided: Yes. Yes it was.

I pushed the button on its face, shutting my phone off… and I planned on keeping it off until I felt I was ready to make a healthy return to the HWA… let alone healthy return to being social again. Nothing will interrupt my process of thought now… Nothing.